A Swedish-Style Developmental Checklist for Montessori Practical Life, Grace, Courtesy & Respect

This podcast and article outlines a Swedish-inspired developmental framework designed for tracking the growth of children aged two to 14 in Montessori-style life skills. Rather than using traditional grades, this Individuell Utvecklingsplan (IUP) utilizes a five-point scale that ranges from initial awareness to peer mentorship. The system evaluates two primary areas: Social-Emotional Intelligence, which covers empathy and regulation, and Executive Function Intelligence, focusing on organization and practical autonomy. Parents are encouraged to use the checklist as a reflective tool to identify a child's "growth edge" rather than a rigid standard of comparison. By prioritizing responsibility and mentorship, the model views the transition through these developmental stages as the core curriculum of a child's education. Progress is monitored twice yearly to ensure a balanced maturation between emotional sensitivity and practical self-management.

Swedish Montessori Developmental Progress IUP Guide PRESENTATION SLIDE DECK 

A Swedish-Style Developmental Checklist for Montisorri Practical Life, Grace, Courtesy & Respect — Ages 2 to 14

Individuell Utvecklingsplan (IUP)

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How This IUP Works

This follows the Swedish individuell utvecklingsplan model: there are no grades, no pass/fail, no comparison between children. Instead, each competency is observed over time and marked by where the child currently stands in their own development. The plan is a mirror, not a test — it exists so a parent can see growth and notice gaps, not to rank a child against a standard.

The Five-Point Developmental Scale

Use this scale for every item below. Mark it in pencil — competencies move backward under stress or fatigue, and that's normal, not a regression to worry about.

Mark	Stage	What it looks like
E	Emerging	Child shows awareness of the skill but needs full physical/verbal support to do it
P	Practicing	Child attempts the skill with reminders or partial prompting
S	Secure	Child performs the skill independently and consistently in familiar settings
I	Independent	Child performs the skill unprompted, including in new or unfamiliar settings
M	Mentor	Child can teach, model, or coach this skill in another child

A note on "Mentor": In this IUP, Mentor is the highest developmental marker — not just doing a thing well, but having enough command of it to give it away to someone else. This mirrors the Swedish emphasis on ansvar (responsibility/ownership) as the top rung of any competency, above mere mastery.

How to use this document

• Review each domain twice a year (a natural rhythm: autumn/vår, or start/end of your homeschool year).
• Date each mark so you can see the trajectory, not a single snapshot. Suggested notation: S (age 7.2).
• Do not rush a child from E to I. Movement across these stages is the actual curriculum; the checklist is just how you see it.
• This document deliberately does not attach ages rigidly to marks — the age bands are for where you'd typically expect to introduce or observe a competency, not a deadline.

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PART ONE: SOCIAL-EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE (SEI)

Domain 1 — Self-Awareness & Emotional Regulation

Age Band	Competency	Mark
2–3	Names basic feelings (happy, sad, mad, scared) with support	___
2–3	Uses a physical strategy to calm down (hugging a plushie, deep breath) when prompted	___
3–6	Names feelings independently, including blended ones ("frustrated," "disappointed")	___
3–6	Uses a self-chosen calming strategy without being told	___
3–6	Recognizes early body cues of big feelings (tight fists, fast breathing)	___
6–9	Articulates why a feeling arose ("I'm mad because the tower fell after I worked hard")	___
6–9	Waits out a strong feeling before acting or speaking	___
9–12	Distinguishes the feeling from the story about the feeling ("I feel left out" vs. "nobody likes me")	___
9–12	Self-regulates in a public or group setting without adult intervention	___
12–14	Recognizes emotional patterns over time and names a personal trigger	___
12–14	Helps a peer or younger sibling identify and name what they're feeling	___

Domain 2 — Greeting, Eye Contact & Conversation

Age Band	Competency	Mark
2–3	Waves hello/goodbye when modeled	___
2–3	Makes brief eye contact when spoken to directly	___
3–6	Greets a familiar adult by name with eye contact, unprompted	___
3–6	Shakes hands or offers an equivalent greeting gesture	___
3–6	Answers a direct question from an adult in a full sentence	___
6–9	Greets an unfamiliar adult appropriately with light prompting	___
6–9	Asks a follow-up question in conversation, not just answering	___
6–9	Introduces two people to each other correctly	___
9–12	Initiates small talk with an unfamiliar adult (new teacher, parent's colleague)	___
9–12	Sustains a two-way conversation on a topic not chosen by them	___
12–14	Makes formal introductions in a group setting with poise	___
12–14	Coaches a younger child through a greeting they're nervous about	___

Domain 3 — Respect, Courtesy & Table Life

Age Band	Competency	Mark
2–3	Says "please" and "thank you" (approximated forms acceptable)	___
2–3	Sits at the table until excused, with support	___
3–6	Uses "excuse me" when interrupting or passing	___
3–6	Waits for all to be served before eating	___
3–6	Sets a basic place setting (plate, napkin, fork, knife, spoon, cup)	___
6–9	Uses table manners appropriately in someone else's home or a restaurant	___
6–9	Passes dishes to the right; asks rather than reaches	___
6–9	Writes a thank-you note after a gift or favor	___
9–12	Sets and manages a full formal place setting independently	___
9–12	Sends a specific, genuine compliment (not generic praise) to a peer	___
12–14	Plans and hosts a full meal or gathering, managing guest comfort start to finish	___
12–14	Models table courtesy for a younger child without being asked	___

Domain 4 — Empathy & Care for Others

Age Band	Competency	Mark
2–3	Responds to another child's distress by seeking an adult	___
2–3	Offers a toy or comfort object to someone upset, with prompting	___
3–6	Notices when someone is hurt or sad without being told	___
3–6	Offers comfort in words ("Are you okay?") as well as action	___
6–9	Recognizes when someone is being excluded and includes them	___
6–9	Gives up something of their own (turn, seat, item) for someone with greater need	___
9–12	Offers comfort without trying to fix or minimize the other person's feelings	___
9–12	Stands up for a peer being mocked or excluded, calmly and specifically	___
12–14	Recognizes emotional needs in a group setting and adjusts behavior to meet them	___
12–14	Actively mentors a younger child through a social difficulty	___

Domain 5 — Conflict, Repair & Disagreement

Age Band	Competency	Mark
2–3	Hands an object back gently after grabbing, with support	___
3–6	Apologizes with a specific repair action ("I'll get you a towel"), not just the word "sorry"	___
3–6	Accepts an apology and moves on	___
6–9	Wins or loses a game graciously	___
6–9	Disagrees with a peer using reasons, not dismissal ("I see it differently because...")	___
9–12	Receives criticism without defensiveness ("Thank you for telling me")	___
9–12	Resolves a disagreement with a peer without adult mediation	___
12–14	Disagrees respectfully with an adult while holding a position	___
12–14	Mediates a conflict between two younger children	___

Domain 6 — Community Contribution & Mentorship

Age Band	Competency	Mark
3–6	Helps a peer with a task when asked	___
6–9	Offers to help before being asked	___
6–9	Invites a left-out peer into an activity	___
9–12	Takes initiative to organize or lead a small group activity	___
9–12	Recognizes a community need and proposes a response (family, co-op, neighborhood)	___
12–14	Teaches a Stage 1–3 grace-and-courtesy skill directly to a younger child	___
12–14	Takes ongoing responsibility for a younger child's wellbeing in a group setting	___
12–14	Delivers a short public acknowledgment (toast, thank-you speech) with composure	___

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PART TWO: EXECUTIVE FUNCTION INTELLIGENCE (EFI)

Domain 7 — Self-Care & Practical Life

Age Band	Competency	Mark
2–3	Washes and dries own hands with support	___
2–3	Attempts to feed self with utensils	___
2–3	Puts one item of clothing on/off with support	___
3–6	Dresses self fully, including fasteners	___
3–6	Brushes teeth and hair independently	___
3–6	Pours liquid from a small pitcher without spilling	___
6–9	Prepares a simple snack or cold meal independently	___
6–9	Manages personal hygiene routine without reminders	___
6–9	Packs own bag/materials for an outing or activity	___
9–12	Prepares a simple hot meal with supervision	___
9–12	Manages own laundry cycle start to finish	___
12–14	Plans and prepares a full meal independently	___
12–14	Manages a personal budget for an allowance or small earnings	___

Domain 8 — Task Initiation, Chores & Follow-Through

Age Band	Competency	Mark
2–3	Puts one toy away before taking out another, with support	___
3–6	Completes a one-step chore (e.g., putting napkins on table) without reminders	___
3–6	Notices an out-of-place item and returns it, unprompted	___
6–9	Completes a multi-step chore (e.g., clearing and wiping the table) start to finish	___
6–9	Scans a room and identifies what needs doing, without a checklist	___
9–12	Owns one weekly household responsibility fully, without reminders	___
9–12	Completes a task even when it's inconvenient or unwitnessed	___
12–14	Manages a multi-day or multi-step household project independently	___
12–14	Checks in on and supports a younger sibling's chore routine, unprompted	___

Domain 9 — Planning & Organization

Age Band	Competency	Mark
3–6	Follows a simple two-step picture-based routine (e.g., morning chart)	___
6–9	Follows a written or picture checklist across a full routine (morning, bedtime)	___
6–9	Estimates how long a familiar task will take	___
9–12	Plans the steps of a project before starting (materials, order of operations)	___
9–12	Uses a calendar or planner to track commitments with support	___
12–14	Independently plans and executes a multi-step event (gathering, project, trip prep)	___
12–14	Manages own calendar/planner across school, chores, and social commitments	___

Domain 10 — Impulse Control & Self-Monitoring

Age Band	Competency	Mark
2–3	Pauses briefly when told "wait," with support	___
3–6	Waits for a turn in a small group without repeated reminders	___
3–6	Uses a "quiet voice" indoors when reminded once	___
6–9	Delays gratification for a stated reward (e.g., saving for something)	___
6–9	Catches and corrects own behavior without being told	___
9–12	Manages frustration during a difficult task without quitting or outburst	___
9–12	Reflects on a mistake and identifies what to do differently next time	___
12–14	Self-monitors screen time, sleep, or other habits against personal goals	___
12–14	Recognizes and interrupts own unhelpful pattern before it escalates	___

Domain 11 — Flexible Thinking & Problem-Solving

Age Band	Competency	Mark
2–3	Accepts a substitution (different cup, different toy) with support	___
3–6	Tries a second approach when the first doesn't work, with prompting	___
6–9	Generates more than one solution to a simple problem independently	___
6–9	Adjusts plans when circumstances change (weather, a missing item) without distress	___
9–12	Troubleshoots a stuck task before asking for help	___
9–12	Considers another person's perspective when solving a shared problem	___
12–14	Leads a group through a problem-solving process (options, trade-offs, decision)	___
12–14	Coaches a younger child through a "stuck" moment rather than solving it for them	___

Domain 12 — Time Management & Responsibility to Others

Age Band	Competency	Mark
3–6	Transitions between activities within a few minutes of a verbal cue	___
6–9	Arrives ready (dressed, materials in hand) for a scheduled activity without reminders	___
6–9	Understands that being late affects other people	___
9–12	Manages homework/chore time against a self-set schedule	___
9–12	Follows through on a commitment made to someone outside the family	___
12–14	Balances multiple commitments (school, chores, social, activities) without dropping any	___
12–14	Is reliable enough that a younger child or peer can depend on them for something ongoing	___

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Reading the Whole Picture

At each biannual review, rather than tallying marks, ask three holistic questions — this is the heart of the Swedish IUP approach, which resists reducing a child to a score:

1. Where is the growth edge? Which domain shows the most items clustered at Practicing (P) — that's where a child is actively working, and where the next few weeks of puppet/role-play rehearsal should concentrate.
2. Where is there quiet mastery? Which domain has several Independent (I) or Mentor (M) marks that haven't been named to the child yet? Growth accelerates when a child is told plainly what they've already achieved.
3. Is Social-Emotional keeping pace with Executive Function, or is one racing ahead? A child who is highly organized (strong EFI) but still Emerging in empathy (weak SEI), or vice versa, needs the imbalance addressed directly — competence in one domain doesn't substitute for the other.

This is a living document, not an archive — update it in pencil, in front of the child when appropriate, so they see their own growth as something visible and real rather than invisible and assumed.

The three holistic questions are the core of the Swedish Individuell Utvecklingsplan (IUP) approach, designed to resist reducing a child's progress to a numerical score or grade. During the biannual review—typically held in autumn and spring—parents or educators should ask:

• Where is the growth edge? This question identifies which domain has the most items marked as Practicing (P). This "cluster" shows where the child is currently putting in active effort and indicates where future support, such as role-play or puppet rehearsals, should be concentrated.
• Where is there quiet mastery? This involves looking for domains that contain several Independent (I) or Mentor (M) marks that have not yet been explicitly acknowledged to the child. Identifying these areas is crucial because naming a child's achievements plainly can help accelerate their growth.
• Is Social-Emotional keeping pace with Executive Function, or is one racing ahead? This question looks for imbalances between the two main parts of the checklist. For example, if a child is highly organized (strong EFI) but still struggles with empathy (weak SEI), that gap needs to be addressed directly, as mastery in one area cannot substitute for development in the other.

These questions are intended to help view the document as a "living" reflection of growth, rather than just an archive of past performance.

Executive Function Intelligence (EFI) is the second major part of the developmental checklist and focuses on a child's ability to manage themselves, their tasks, and their responsibilities. It consists of six domains that track progress from age 2 through 14.

The EFI domains include:

• Self-Care & Practical Life (Domain 7): This domain tracks the development of physical independence, beginning with basic hygiene like washing hands and dressing with support. As a child matures, it evolves into preparing full meals independently and managing a personal budget.
• Task Initiation, Chores & Follow-Through (Domain 8): This focuses on the transition from needing reminders for one-step chores to independently scanning a room for needed work and owning multi-day household projects.
• Planning & Organization (Domain 9): Early competencies involve following simple picture routines, while advanced skills include using a calendar to track school and social commitments and planning multi-step events independently.
• Impulse Control & Self-Monitoring (Domain 10): This measures a child's ability to pause and reflect. It progresses from waiting for a turn in a group to self-monitoring screen time and recognizing unhelpful personal patterns before they escalate.
• Flexible Thinking & Problem-Solving (Domain 11): Growth in this area starts with accepting substitutions (like a different toy) and matures into troubleshooting tasks independently and leading groups through complex decision-making processes.
• Time Management & Responsibility to Others (Domain 12): This domain tracks the child's reliability. It includes arriving ready for activities without reminders and balancing multiple commitments so that others can depend on them.

In the Swedish Individuell Utvecklingsplan (IUP) model, EFI is viewed as a "living" reflection of growth rather than a static grade. During reviews, it is essential to check if EFI is keeping pace with Social-Emotional Intelligence (SEI), as mastery in organization or practical tasks cannot substitute for the development of empathy and social skills.

Social-Emotional Intelligence (SEI) constitutes Part One of the developmental checklist and focuses on a child's internal emotional management and their interpersonal relationships. Like the EFI domains, these six domains track a child's progress from ages 2 through 14.

The SEI domains include:

• Self-Awareness & Emotional Regulation (Domain 1): This tracks the child’s ability to manage their internal world. It begins with naming basic feelings and using physical strategies to calm down, eventually progressing to recognizing emotional triggers and helping peers identify their own feelings.
• Greeting, Eye Contact & Conversation (Domain 2): This focuses on social poise. Early skills include basic eye contact and waving, which mature into initiating small talk with unfamiliar adults and making formal group introductions with confidence.
• Respect, Courtesy & Table Life (Domain 3): This domain covers the "grace and courtesy" aspects of daily life. It moves from basic table manners to planning and hosting full meals, as well as providing specific, genuine compliments to others.
• Empathy & Care for Others (Domain 4): This tracks the development of the "moral compass". It starts with noticing when someone is hurt and evolves into standing up for peers who are excluded and adjusting personal behavior to meet the emotional needs of a group.
• Conflict, Repair & Disagreement (Domain 5): This focuses on healthy conflict resolution. Progress moves from simple apologies with "repair actions" to respectfully disagreeing with adults while holding a position and mediating conflicts between younger children.
• Community Contribution & Mentorship (Domain 6): This domain reflects the child's growing responsibility to the larger group. It begins with helping peers when asked and culminates in taking ongoing responsibility for the well-being of others and delivering public speeches.

In the Individuell Utvecklingsplan (IUP) model, SEI is considered essential to balance with EFI. During reviews, it is critical to ensure that a child's organizational skills (EFI) do not outpace their empathy and social repair skills (SEI), as mastery in one area is not a substitute for the other.

Would you like me to create a tailored report summarizing these SEI competencies or perhaps a set of flashcards to help you review these domains?