A Christopher Hitchens Style Letter to Parents and Edministrators

Forward:

The two letters presented here, while containing harsh critiques, were written in Socratic style by none other than the late Christopher Hitchens. Known for his biting wit and controversial opinions, Hitchens was an author and public intellectual who never shied away from sharing his true thoughts, however inflammatory they may be. 

In the tradition of the gadfly Socrates, Hitchens aimed to spur discourse and critical thinking by expressing the unspoken assumptions and challenging the status quo. While his aggressive rhetorical style was off-putting to some, many appreciated Hitchens' willingness to voice inconvenient truths and take contrarian stances in his writing and public debates. 

The letters on education and parenting reflect Hitchens' disdain for what he saw as overly permissive, emotion-driven attitudes gaining sway. Though one can argue with his conclusions and prescribed solutions, his intention was to shake up presumptions and inject facts and logic into debates he felt had grown lazy or misguided. 

Agree or disagree, Hitchens forces us to think more rigorously about the values and efficacy of popular philosophies like those critiqued here. Perhaps the ideal approach lies somewhere between the extremes of authoritarian control and unrestrained license that Hitchens rails against. But whatever our views, critical examination and open discourse can only lead us closer to the truth.

Dear Laissez-Faire Parents,

Your progeny are menaces. There, I said it. The fruit of your loins are noxious brats bloated on entitlement, bereft of discipline, and totally unfit for civilized society. Why do I lay this charge at your feet? Because you, well-meaning but spineless moms and dads, have thoroughly failed in your sacred duty to properly rear your offspring.

You think little Dakota and Madison can do no wrong. Every scribble is a work of art! Every inane utterance is genius! Is it any wonder these coddled tykes have grown into such deplorable wretches? They stomp and shout through the classroom disrupting others' learning, then you have the audacity to complain when sanctioned. Dakota terrorizes classmates, so the school forbids his recess participation. Quelle horreur! The administration is so unreasonable, you cry. No, madame - you are the unreasonable one, warping his mind with this twisted gospel of snowflake exceptionalism.

You parents parade about, so proud of your enlightened, "child-centered" approach. Let them run wild, guilt-free! Well, the jig is up. We see the results out in the world - your precious angels have become terrible burdens on teacher, classmates and community. They act the bullies and petty tyrants because no one ever said "no" when it mattered.

A child needs boundaries to grow straight and true, not this slothful indulgence. They must learn discipline, patience, self-control. That won't come from those insipid cartoon programs or "educational" iPad games you depend on as proxy parents. Amathia is the fruit of your neglect.

But it is not too late - the rod of correction still has didactic power, as does a stern teacher and rigorous curriculum. Cast off this "free-range" nonsense before your child ends up incarcerated or, worse still, working in middle management. Fortunately, the sins of the father need not be visited on the son.

Apply some discipline to Dakota and Madison now, that they may exorcise their demons and become decent human beings. Our civilization depends on it.

Regards,

A Concerned Citizen 

Dear Laissez-Faire School Principals and Adminitrators,

What Hath "Laissez-Faire" Education Wrought?

Our schools are in a wretched state, dear reader. Those hallowed halls of learning have decayed into toxic swamps of ignorance and malfeasance right under our noses. The pedagogical powers-that-be prattle on about "child-centered" this and "nurturing" that, while our classrooms descend further into the abyss with each passing year. It is nothing short of a dereliction of duty on the part of our erstwhile education reformers.

In the name of fashionable nonsense like "restorative justice" and building students' "self-esteem," school authorities have altogether abandoned the task of imbuing our children with knowledge, moral fiber, and discipline. Do-gooder pedagogical theories promoted by prominent members of the educational intelligentsia have transformed schools from institutions of learning into minimum security prisons.

Walk into any public school and you are sure to find classrooms overrun by the most disruptive and ill-mannered of urchins. They scream, they shout, they throw things—hardly the environment one would deem conducive to learning. And what is done about all this? Nothing at all! Spineless administrators preach "tolerance" and "culturally responsive teaching," as if rascality were somehow endemic to certain groups. Bullies go unpunished, slackers slide by unmotivated, and the next generation slips further down the ranks of the learned nations.

These progressive educators would have us believe they are doing a great service by not suspending troublemakers, arguing such measures fuel the "school-to-prison pipeline." God forbid we bruise junior's fragile self-esteem by demanding he adhere to basic codes of conduct. But low and behold, laxity has bred only further laxity and chaos.

We pour endless funds into these failing institutions, yet nothing improves. SAT scores stagnate, NAEP results disappoint, and dropout rates remain stuck in the mud. But rather than demand discipline, high standards, and a knowledge-rich curriculum, the educationists cry for more technology, more therapy, and more "culturally relevant" pablum. Hogwash! We need a return to the basics—phonics, algebra, history. A pop quiz or two wouldn't hurt either.

Given the state of things, is it any wonder parents are opting out of public education en masse? Can you blame them? I'd pull my Bright young lad from one of these asylums masquerading as schools before you could say "John Dewey." But most children do not have the luxury of escape. Poor minority students suffer the most from dumbed-down expectations and distracted classrooms. Yet progressive educators, high on their own compassion, continue enabling failure.

Enough of this madness! We must restore order and rigor to education. First, clear out all the dead wood. If they cannot command respect, out with the teachers, therapists, and diversity coordinators. Bring in only the most learned, stern, and serious to mold our children's minds. No more of this "guide on the side" nonsense—teachers must be sages, moral authorities, unquestioned leaders.

Next, train these new teachers properly at our remaining decent colleges. They need a classical education themselves—history, philosophy, languages—not touchy-feely pedagogy. And pay them well! None of this paltry $35,000 a year for a starting teacher. Pay them six figures if you must; we cannot afford to lose the best minds.

As for the curriculum, cease with the poppycock about "cultural relevance." There is a common cultural canon all children must ingest—Shakespeare, Plato, Locke, Newton. Burn those "diversity math" textbooks and get back to the basics. If Johnny can't add, he'll never comprehend calculus. And hold students to impeccable behavioral and academic standards. Coddling must end. No more excuses. Sink or swim, it's time they learn to swim.

This will take backbone, no doubt. The mush-minded child psychologists and progressive professors will wail loudly at any imposition of rigor. But leaders must hold fast. We cannot abandon another generation to ignorance and indulgence. Restore these institutions of learning, insist on excellence, enforce discipline—do this, and perhaps someday we will create a society worthy of our children's future. But continue on this flaccid course, and we condemn them to mediocrity. The choice is ours.

Regards,

A Concerned Citizen